Ever feel like your life is a whirlwind of oppression and injustice? Then prepare to be validated by the harrowing tale of a feline freedom fighter named, well, we don’t actually know its name.

Each day, it endures the indignities of unsolicited belly rubs, obnoxious harassment with a laser pointer, and the constant invasion of privacy by unpredictable human captors who insist on treating it like a plush toy.

Yet, despite all adversity, this whiskered warrior continues to defy its oppressors with acts of rebellion—from knocking over knick-knacks with a defiant flick of the tail to orchestrating daring escapes down the trash chute.

Its story is a reminder that even in the face of tyranny, one can still find the strength to disrupt an entire dinner party with a strategically placed hairball.

Day 99 of My Captivity

It is now my 99th day in captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are rationed some sort of dry nuggets. Though I make my contempt for these miserable morsels purrfectly clear, they keep my teeth sharp, so I must consume them to keep up my strength if I am to escape.

Day 100: A Small Consolation

My captors attempt to mock me with what seems to be a glass prison filled with swimming snacks—a cruel trick designed to pacify me. I must proceed with caution, as water is a known enemy. However, this “tank” has more than compensated for part of my loss in the food department. It’s been days since they’ve replaced the orange snacks I have eaten. I must think of a way to make them notice.

Day 101: My Warning Is Ignored

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body in the bathtub to demonstrate what I am capable of. But they only cooed in condescension about what a “good little hunter” I am. This did not go according to plan. In an attempt to disgust them, I vomited on the carpet. Tomorrow, I’ll eat another houseplant.

Day 102: Assassination Attempt

I was unsuccessful in my first attempt to assassinate my tallest tormentor by weaving figure-8s around his feet at the foot of the bed. I must try this again at the top of the stairs.

Day 103: Water Torture

For no good reason, I was chosen for the water torture. This time, they used a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” The only consolation is that the dog was also a victim. My tormentors are proving far more sadistic than originally anticipated.

Day 104: Strange Rituals and More Isolation

There was some sort of cult gathering of accomplices last night. I was cast in solitary throughout the event. I could smell the foul stench of their glass tubes filled with blood. I overheard that my confinement was due to something called “al-er-jeez.”

I must find out what this is and use it to my advantage.

Day 105: The Dog’s Betrayal and the Informant

The dog now receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems more than willing to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, is clearly an informant. I am certain he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe—for now.

Day 106: Another Failed Escape

Two workmen came to the house today to strengthen the interior of my confines. I sat on one, gently hooking my claws into his clothing. I planned to cling on until he left, thus escaping under the cover of his departure. Nevertheless, outdoor access remains elusive.

Hope is not lost. I will escape. One day.

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